JUST STOP.....

Life is a beautiful mess.  Cheesy maybe, heard it in a movie last night. But then I realized that statement is so true and I did something this morning that I probably haven’t done since well, the day I was born. I stopped. Many of you that know me are probably thinking FINALLY, OR HALLELUJAH but it is true. I made my coffee, opened the screen door for the cats and I sat on my coffee table. No TV, no music, no phone. I JUST STOPPED! For those of you that don’t know me, let me give you a little back story.

I am not known for moving slow or sitting around doing nothing. I always have something planned, am always doing something for someone and can’t sit still to save my life. I sincerely think my brain just doesn’t know how to slow down unless I get sick. Which when I finally do stop is what happens.

  

For example, I’m sitting on the couch last night at 11 pm after a really stressful week, still awake and this is what my brain was thinking: How much stress is Monday going to be at work because this week was a long week, I am way to honest, that is a huge flaw, how can I be more discreet? Is my jewelry party tomorrow going to be a success? omg you are selling jewelry, it is so unlike you, but you need more money so that is why you have to make it successful, I need to order new meds for Moose (my cat) those meds are way too expensive but she is diabetic and you love her so I will buy them month after month, what am I going to wear tomorrow, I need to clean, this cat gets hair everywhere, does so and so know how important they are to me? I wonder what they are doing right now? You need to start getting up earlier, can you get your make up look right tomorrow and cover up your horribly broken out skin? What am I going to get dad for his birthday? He really is impossible to shop for. Why did my relationship with so and so fall apart and what did I do wrong? What do they think about me? I want to lose weight, meet Kenny Chesney, go back to school…How can I make that all happen? Well you get the point right?  This happened until I literally fell asleep sitting up on the couch….Woke up and it was 2 AM and my neck hurt.

 As I type this I am thinking whoever reads this is really going to think I am crazy but the truth is I am chasing perfection and have realized it just doesn’t exist. I over analyze, hate disappointing people and want to be everything for everybody. But the truth is I just can’t. I need to learn to take time for myself, which I don’t do…EVER. I NEED TO STOP. So that is what I did and will continue to do every now and then. I am a work in progress, everyone is and life is awesome. I am so very lucky. 

I am starting a new journey of self-discovery and while it is intimidating I know I will be a better person because of it. I encourage everyone to do the same. I am no longer going to care what anyone else thinks, am not going to make apologies for having no filter and being too honest. Because I am who I am and I am proud of it. I am a little bit crazy, obsessive and at this point I am TIRED!

My last blog was somewhat about the same topic but more about changing my bad attitude, this blog is about changing my life and thinking about me! I write this blog today not because it has to do with being disabled but because I had one of those what do you call it? Come to Jesus moments maybe. I woke up and decided to start taking care of myself, my attitude included. Putting me first and not apologizing for who I am. I am going to try and focus on the stuff I need to do but also what I WANT to do. Life is what it is and you should continue to be motivated and always strive to make each day better than the last but take care of yourself in the process. Stop every once in a while and take it all in. When I stop I think of what I should be doing and feel like I am failing at life. But in reality I have come so far and need to stop comparing myself to others and be grateful for what I have, not think about what I don’t have or what other people are doing and achieving. I am never going to be able to make everyone happy and THAT IS OKAY!

This blog is a huge rambling mess but I wanted to share what I learned with the world and the importance of stopping and putting all you have to take care of and get done aside and just taking a breath. A breath that gives you life that allows you to be you day after day. Make no apologies, be you, try your best, be kind, inspire and motivate. Most importantly take care of yourself or you cannot help others. Which in my case, helping and motivating others is what I love to do. I hope this blog encourages anyone who reads this to focus on yourself and makes you feel important.

Life is indeed a beautiful mess and I am a beautiful mess but I will continue to figure things out. Love the life you lead. I am going to wake up every day and continue to be grateful, strive to inspire and be a healthier, happier me. I don’t know where life will take me but I am going to just roll with it (literally) because I am me and the chair I sit in daily is a part of me but it is not everything. As of right now, I have no plan, I will achieve what I am going to achieve and get done what I will get done. I am going to make mistakes, make messes and have regrets but life is what I make it.  I am going to start thinking about me and try and remember at the end of the day “It’s just a chair!”