Its Been A While!

Well first off, hi guys it’s been quite awhile! Life the last two years has been so chaotic! I have been wanting to start writing again for quite a while but hadn’t been able to find the time! The last two years have been filled with happiness but also challenges. I’ve been in a very successful relationship for about 3 years now and am so lucky to have found the person I hope to spend the rest of my life with. If you are lucky to find a person that shows patience and kindness everyday and who also sticks by you through thick and thin don’t ever let them go and be grateful everyday! I realize my last few blogs may seem like I’m preaching but honestly I am just grateful every day and want to share everything I learn on the outlet where I can share the most.

This year I have gone through back surgery that was so much more challenging than I thought as well as losing most of my hearing due to Menieres Disease. All of these life events made me think about challenges and how people get through them. I want people that read this to share how they face challenges and hopefully one of our methods may help someone else which is the sole purpose of this blog.

I used to not face challenges well and avoid conflict at all costs. Then my job required me to face conflict daily and I have learned so much. I used to just worry and stew over everything that came my way. Although I have overcome plenty and have always been confident in my abilities, conflict and challenges are always difficult. I am now a woman of action! I will not sit and stew when something happens or when a challenge is presented but choose to face that challenge head on and overcome it! Now I stare challenge in the eye and LOVE the thrill of overcoming whatever challenge presents itself. I don’t back down and I don’t brush it off. I face it! My world has opened up to endless possibilities due to the fact that I make things happen and don’t walk away from anything!

So my advice to all out there is when something is hard or seems impossible don’t run from it, face it!   You will learn so much and become a better person due to the lessons you will learn from facing your challenges! So I ask, how do you overcome challenges? I’d love to hear! Also, I’m back happy as ever and as always, my disability and any other challenges won’t stop me from living my best life because in the end It’s Just A Chair!

JUST STOP.....

Life is a beautiful mess.  Cheesy maybe, heard it in a movie last night. But then I realized that statement is so true and I did something this morning that I probably haven’t done since well, the day I was born. I stopped. Many of you that know me are probably thinking FINALLY, OR HALLELUJAH but it is true. I made my coffee, opened the screen door for the cats and I sat on my coffee table. No TV, no music, no phone. I JUST STOPPED! For those of you that don’t know me, let me give you a little back story.

I am not known for moving slow or sitting around doing nothing. I always have something planned, am always doing something for someone and can’t sit still to save my life. I sincerely think my brain just doesn’t know how to slow down unless I get sick. Which when I finally do stop is what happens.

  

For example, I’m sitting on the couch last night at 11 pm after a really stressful week, still awake and this is what my brain was thinking: How much stress is Monday going to be at work because this week was a long week, I am way to honest, that is a huge flaw, how can I be more discreet? Is my jewelry party tomorrow going to be a success? omg you are selling jewelry, it is so unlike you, but you need more money so that is why you have to make it successful, I need to order new meds for Moose (my cat) those meds are way too expensive but she is diabetic and you love her so I will buy them month after month, what am I going to wear tomorrow, I need to clean, this cat gets hair everywhere, does so and so know how important they are to me? I wonder what they are doing right now? You need to start getting up earlier, can you get your make up look right tomorrow and cover up your horribly broken out skin? What am I going to get dad for his birthday? He really is impossible to shop for. Why did my relationship with so and so fall apart and what did I do wrong? What do they think about me? I want to lose weight, meet Kenny Chesney, go back to school…How can I make that all happen? Well you get the point right?  This happened until I literally fell asleep sitting up on the couch….Woke up and it was 2 AM and my neck hurt.

 As I type this I am thinking whoever reads this is really going to think I am crazy but the truth is I am chasing perfection and have realized it just doesn’t exist. I over analyze, hate disappointing people and want to be everything for everybody. But the truth is I just can’t. I need to learn to take time for myself, which I don’t do…EVER. I NEED TO STOP. So that is what I did and will continue to do every now and then. I am a work in progress, everyone is and life is awesome. I am so very lucky. 

I am starting a new journey of self-discovery and while it is intimidating I know I will be a better person because of it. I encourage everyone to do the same. I am no longer going to care what anyone else thinks, am not going to make apologies for having no filter and being too honest. Because I am who I am and I am proud of it. I am a little bit crazy, obsessive and at this point I am TIRED!

My last blog was somewhat about the same topic but more about changing my bad attitude, this blog is about changing my life and thinking about me! I write this blog today not because it has to do with being disabled but because I had one of those what do you call it? Come to Jesus moments maybe. I woke up and decided to start taking care of myself, my attitude included. Putting me first and not apologizing for who I am. I am going to try and focus on the stuff I need to do but also what I WANT to do. Life is what it is and you should continue to be motivated and always strive to make each day better than the last but take care of yourself in the process. Stop every once in a while and take it all in. When I stop I think of what I should be doing and feel like I am failing at life. But in reality I have come so far and need to stop comparing myself to others and be grateful for what I have, not think about what I don’t have or what other people are doing and achieving. I am never going to be able to make everyone happy and THAT IS OKAY!

This blog is a huge rambling mess but I wanted to share what I learned with the world and the importance of stopping and putting all you have to take care of and get done aside and just taking a breath. A breath that gives you life that allows you to be you day after day. Make no apologies, be you, try your best, be kind, inspire and motivate. Most importantly take care of yourself or you cannot help others. Which in my case, helping and motivating others is what I love to do. I hope this blog encourages anyone who reads this to focus on yourself and makes you feel important.

Life is indeed a beautiful mess and I am a beautiful mess but I will continue to figure things out. Love the life you lead. I am going to wake up every day and continue to be grateful, strive to inspire and be a healthier, happier me. I don’t know where life will take me but I am going to just roll with it (literally) because I am me and the chair I sit in daily is a part of me but it is not everything. As of right now, I have no plan, I will achieve what I am going to achieve and get done what I will get done. I am going to make mistakes, make messes and have regrets but life is what I make it.  I am going to start thinking about me and try and remember at the end of the day “It’s just a chair!”

My Attitude

I stopped writing because I believe that I started this blog to inspire others but for the last 2 years I seem to have lost the inspiration I felt when I started this blog. Until a few weeks ago.....

I was with 2 of my greatest friends Eva and Keely at the mall shopping. We stopped in a women's clothing store and we were helped by a very nice sales lady. I had asked several questions about different styles of pants and complained that I was unable to find a single pair of pants in her store that fit my body. I remember saying to her "I guess it could be worse right?" and giving up on the pants search. We had talked about several things and while talking to all three of us she turned to me and said "Have you concerned doing motivational speaking? You have such a great attitude!" It was this statement that once again after 2 years of not posting anything got my wheels turning again. I spent the next few weeks gathering my thoughts and pondering MY ATTITUDE.You see my attitude is exactly what got me to where I am today. Given it was also the support of my family and friends but it is my attitude that helps me get out of bed every day. My attitude is my motivation.

I started thinking about how I was for years, very negative, pessimistic and constantly thought about what I did not have. I hated my job, constantly thought about what my disability didn't allow me to do, thought every time I failed it was my last chance to succeed and was in a horrible slump. That attitude of course made me unhappy and I lost some friends until one day I realized that this attitude wasn't getting me any where. I needed to change. I needed to put life into perspective!

I then decided to work on changing my way of thinking, to wake up and appreciate what I do have, not think about what I don't (a husband, babies, owning a house). I still strive for the things that I don't have as I think everyone does but I am so grateful for everything I have. I started a new position at work and decided every day instead of waking up thinking negatively that I was going to be optimistic, embrace change and appreciate every breath I am able to breathe. You see thinking negatively and not striving for change keeps you going down the same path. There is no ability to make changes or strive for something better until you believe in yourself and your self worth. Thinking about what I can or cant do, thinking about what I don't have does not help me move forward in life.

I now wake up every day thankful for what I do have: a job, my own apartment, friends, family and the ability to take care of myself. My life with a disability is not peachy and I do have my days where I get beyond frustrated and tired but I still know that things will get better. I know I can create positive changes in my life and achieve all my goals. If I fail I will get back up and try again no matter how many times it takes for me to succeed. I will be proactive and always do my best. My positive attitude has helped me enjoy life!

Today I sit back and as I write this I thank my bad attitude for getting me where I am today, for taking people out of my life that didn't support me but most of all I thank my bad attitude for not sticking around. Complaining daily and not striving for anything better in my life didn't help me at all. So for all of you out there that are feeling defeated, down and stuck in the same slump year after year know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel but changing your path is entirely up to you. Don't be scared of change, know there are people out there that care and support you regardless of your past and most of all find your inspiration and know that if you try hard enough you can achieve whatever you want. Regardless of if you are disabled or not you are capable of making a difference in this world and enjoying life no matter how bad it is now. Snap out of it and start embracing change, don't hide from it.

There is always hope. Everyone has flaws, we are all only human. I hope everyone reading this has the desire to change something they are unhappy with in life. Forgive, forget, move on. Most importantly, never give up! Lean on those you can trust, wake up thinking how lucky you are, be proactive. Sitting on my brand new bed I purchased myself (another accomplishment) I look down at my chair and although it helps me move around because my legs can't function in the end ITS JUST A CHAIR.

Grocery Shopping!

I’m not your typical women, while I do have to have my hair and makeup done in order to feel like a human that doesn’t scare people in public I am more than content wearing a tank top and jeans and being barefoot. With that said, while other women like to shop for clothes, shoes and makeup my favorite type of shopping is for GROCERIES!

I usually grocery shop without a list and end up spending way too much money because while I am the first to admit I am picky as could be, I LOVE TO EAT! Most of my friends reading this right now are probably already laughing as the first words out of my mouth when I get somewhere are usually “I’m hungry” or I am head first in the refrigerator the second I get to one of their homes.

My purpose in stating all of this is that although I can’t cook (see previous blogs, its true it’s usually a disaster) I do understand the challenges of grocery shopping and being disabled. I have a few tips and tricks that although I do use, may not be for everyone but here it goes!

So first things first, the one thing that drives me nuts is that only the high end stores have the hand baskets and most places have self-check outs. That proposes 3 challenges for people in wheel chairs or with other disabilities: you really can’t buy too many groceries with a hand basket, self-checkouts have the conveyor belt that is meant for someone 10 feet tall so it is impossible to pack groceries and once the groceries are packed how the heck are all the bags going to get to the car without some help?

My solution: Find a grocery store where you can ask for help and know some people that work there. I go to my local grocery store and have met a few people there who are more than helpful. I can take as many baskets to the check out and leave them there while I grab another one and continue shopping. I am also able to ask for help carrying my groceries to the car and loading them in the back seat in a way that they know it is easy for me to unload them on my own. 

But having people you know there doesn’t solve all the problems. For example, I am sitting down, people who stack the shelves why do you put everything on the top shelves that I want to buy? I usually find myself using another product to knock something else off the shelf (make sure the employees aren’t watching and please make sure it’s not breakable.) I don’t think the employees would like the fact that I am using another product to knock another off the shelf but you gotta do what you gotta do!  If all else fails and its breakable suck it up like I do and ask for help. Asking for help is not the worst thing in the world, believe it or not everyone has to do it, and we just have to do it a little more often.

My point is whether you have to climb, throw things or ask for help, you can be independent and grocery shop on your own if that’s what you want to do.  Remember, ANYTHING is POSSIBLE and bottom line is “Its just a chair!”

Skiing!!

Some people are lucky to have the unique talent of having athletic ability and excellent hand-eye coordination to go along with it. The rest of us can split our finger open on a McDonald’s straw and land back first on the pavement going down the sidewalk. I am of course the most accident prone and clumsy person on the planet and fall into the second category. But with the help of good friends and positive thoughts I am happy to say I attempted to be sporty and do something I never thought would be possible….Skiing!

Throwing myself down a mountain on a razor sharp gliding sit ski with 2 poles around my arms was not something I can say was high on my bucket list. Needless to say, I was scared to death, but just like anything I didn’t let it stop me. It did take a little convincing but I have to say it is the most fun and freeing thing I have ever done in my 29 years so far! I was surprised how easy it was, the hardest part being keeping my balance.

My best friend and our family went to Lake Tahoe and through disability support services I was fitted with a sit ski and walked through every step of the experience by 2 excellent instructors.  This included things like going and stopping, getting on and off the chair lift (hardest part of skiing sitting down), turning left and right and getting yourself up when you fall down. Given at first I felt like a dog on a leash because the instructor holds on to a strap that is tied to the back of the chair, before I knew it I was just feeling the wind through my hair and breezing by the other people on the mountain enjoying laughing and joking with 2 new friends.

Below is a video of myself skiing, believe me if you have the inspiration to try it, GO FOR IT! I had SO MUCH FUN!! Don’t let the fact that your sitting down not let you take risks! Skiing and other sports are possible, even for the less coordinated people like myself. Take a chance, experience something new and remember in the end: It’s Just A Chair!

The Birds and the Bees, your disabled, not dead, sex is still possible!

There are always 2 questions I am asked when meeting new people: 1: What happened to you? /What’s wrong with you? And 2: Can you have sex?  So I thought I would take the time to clear up some confusion. 1: I was born with spina bifida and am paralyzed, 2: Yes, I can have sex, I have hormones to ya know? I can have sex quite normally actually. In my opinion (let me know if I am missing something) there are 3 things needed in order to have sex when being disabled. 

1: A loving, caring partner you trust (Don’t take the chance otherwise)

2: One of the 2 types of plumbing, while your partner has the other piece of the puzzle (need I spell this out?)

3: The ability to get creative, use protection/precautions, know your limits/abilities and feel confident with what you’re doing.

THAT’S IT! That’s all you need!   It’s not rocket science people!

I think as a mature adult, you will have question 1 and 2 covered so I am going to talk about #3. It’s simple when you are with someone who is willing to get creative and that you trust and you most importantly USE PROTECTION and take the necessary precautions, you can easily figure out how to successfully have sex. Think about this, there are many different positions, contraptions and settings where sex can happen.  So something doesn’t function like an able bodied individual, sex is still possible.  For example, my legs don’t work; everything else is there so why can’t I have sex?

Sex can happen in many different places, in many different forms. There is the bed, the floor, the table, sitting up, laying down, on your back, on your stomach, on top, on the bottom and even in the water.  There are many different positions as well such as missionary, doggy style, cowgirl and many others.  The whole point to this blog is that you are able to figure it out if you have questions 1 and 2 covered! 

Try different things, getting creative can even be fun if it’s with the right person, find out what you enjoy, even consider going see a doctor or going to Planned Parenthood for advice. Keep in mind always do your own research and understand your limits. In this case and any other situation you are faced with in life, never think you can’t do something if you put your mind to it. In this case, proceed with caution, be smart and make sure you are doing what is right for you. For all you people out there that think you can’t have sex or are wondering if someone disabled can remember BOTTOM LINE: ITS JUST A CHAIR!!

Traveling-Planes, Trains and Automobiles

First of all, let me say I know it has been awhile since my last post. New job and wedding planning, need I say more? I have been travelling alot this year and realized while there are alot of accommodations that allow disabled people to travel, lets face facts not everything is ADA compliant as it should be. But, good news, with a few creative ideas traveling is still possible. First off lets talk about the great accomodations out there for disabled people while traveling. Airplanes for example, being able to board the plane first before being bombarded by people and the ability to use an aisle chair because the aisles on the plane are too small are great accomodations for disabled people. Hotel rooms with wider door ways, lower counters, walk in showers and grab bars are also great accomodations for disabled travelers. Great customer service and people who are willing to help are also a plus!

Now on to my point, while there are a lot of places and accommodations out there, lets face it, not every place you go is ADA compliant. For example, I recently took a girls trip to the beach and even though we called ahead of time to double check that things were compliant when we arrived I couldn't fit through the door way of the bathroom that was smaller than my hall closet in my apartment. Now, after a few choice words to the hotel manager and it being 12:30 AM with no other hotel with availability, he is lucky that I'm creative. Since I was unable to fit into the bathroom in my regular chair, simply by putting a folding chair or office chair in the bathroom will solve that problem. So, for those of you that have the ability to lift themselves, just put a chair in the bathroom and boom you are able to climb to the toilet and the bathtub with no problems. This also allows you to have access to the sink if it is located in the bathroom also. Word of warning, be careful, sometimes these chairs get slippery! I can't tell you how many times I have had to do this! More times than I can count. Camping, trips to Disneyland and beach trips just to name a few times I have had to use this creative idea. Now I know it is still not ideal but rather than not being able to shower or use the restroom, I would be happy to climb on a folding chair for a day or two. Looking back, I still had a blast on these trips!

Next up, airplanes...

While airlines do try there best to allow disabled people smooth traveling there is one complaint that I have about flying besides the fact that it scares me to death.  THE BATHROOMS! Seems to be a common theme today but I have a lot to say about this topic. Any one know how it feels to hold it for 9+ hours because you don't have access to a bathroom? I DO! Every time I travel I end up stuck in my seat the whole flight while watching people going to and from the bathroom as they wish while I get to stay seated the whole time due to small aisles, my chair being stored where the luggage is and the fact that the bathroom is the size of a shoe box.  You would think that there would be some improvements now a days with this issue but lets face it for now were all just going to have to deal with it until someone does something about it. FYI, can someone please invent a plane where disabled people are able to move around comfortably and actually have access to a bathroom. That would be awesome!

Secondly, the aisle chairs. A: Could those things get any more narrow? Some of us have a little junk in the trunk and those things are not comfortable. B: Riding from the airport onto the plane in the aisle chair could not be more bumpy and rough. C: Is it necessary to have 4 million straps across someone, why not just use a straight jacket that would be a heck of a lot more comfortable. While these chairs are designed for our safety, in my opinion the aisle chair is due for an upgrade now a days.


Number three on the list trains and rental cars...

I don't have much to say about trains because I have not been on one in a very long time but I'm sure just like airplanes there are changes that need to be made. But, rental cars on the other hand, are the 2nd most frustrating thing about my traveling experiences, hotel accommodations being my number one complaint if you haven't caught on to that! I think there is no excuse for rental cars these days not having hand controls as an option. In this day and age there definitely should be some rental cars available to disabled people while traveling. Instead of always having to travel with someone who can drive a car without any adjustments it would be nice to have the option to travel by myself and see what I want to see on a trip when I want to see it.

All of these things are merely my opinion and things that make traveling frustrating for me but I am not discouraging disabled people from traveling in the least. In fact, I am trying to convince you of the opposite. Traveling is more then possible with a few adjustments and great friends who are willing to help. So go out and see the world and go where you want to go! Have some fun, just get a little creative! You are more than capable of traveling and the majority of places out there are more than accommodating. So don't be scared to think outside the box and keep in mind anything is possible. In the end, you can always do what you want because IT'S JUST A CHAIR!